God, sometimes I’m not sure.
I don’t understand. I can’t understand. I don’t know what I’m supposed to understand.
I am trying to let go. Trying to hold on.
Learning. Growing. Stretching. Leaving. Coming. Going.
What do I leave behind?
What do I move toward?
God, grow my faith, whatever that means.
Not in man, not in systems, not in what-someone-else-tells-me-i-am-supposed-to-believe.
But in you. The living God. The one who heals. The one who reveals. The one who restores. The one who turns the ways of this world upside down. The one who calls me to mercy and justice and love. The one who stirs us to move.
Yeah, that’s all I really want. More of you in me. More of you in us.
To be honest, once I heard the line "I am trying to let go. Trying to hold on" my brain skipped a lot of the rest of the poem as it cogitated around the tension to grip and release.
Amidst the maelstrom of rapidly switching projects and teams in work, never mind dealing with the challenges of faith in a messy world, the words contain a great set of questions as well as an ideal approach to move on.
Kathy's poem/prayer is included in her book Down We Go (also available on Kindle).