Sunday, April 29, 2012

trying to let go ... trying to hold on ...

Last Sunday morning's sermon in church looked at 'doubting' Thomas. Mervyn finished by reading A Doubter's Prayer by Kathy Escobar.
God, sometimes I’m not sure.

I don’t understand. I can’t understand. I don’t know what I’m supposed to understand.

I am trying to let go. Trying to hold on.

Learning. Growing. Stretching. Leaving. Coming. Going.

What do I leave behind?

What do I move toward?

God, grow my faith, whatever that means.

Not in man, not in systems, not in what-someone-else-tells-me-i-am-supposed-to-believe.

But in you. The living God. The one who heals. The one who reveals. The one who restores. The one who turns the ways of this world upside down. The one who calls me to mercy and justice and love. The one who stirs us to move.

Yeah, that’s all I really want. More of you in me. More of you in us.


To be honest, once I heard the line "I am trying to let go. Trying to hold on" my brain skipped a lot of the rest of the poem as it cogitated around the tension to grip and release.

Amidst the maelstrom of rapidly switching projects and teams in work, never mind dealing with the challenges of faith in a messy world, the words contain a great set of questions as well as an ideal approach to move on.

Kathy's poem/prayer is included in her book Down We Go (also available on Kindle).

1 comment:

Denis Stewart said...

It' a great, soul-touching poem - even for a reader who doesn't identify with the poet's 'faith' ["whatever that means"!]. Trying to let go and trying to hold on speaks to me of the challenges of living with practical hope in a messy, often very disturbing and also, thankfully, very wonderful and beautiful world.

Thanks for sharing ...